A Guide to Infidelity For Men (Beginner Level)

Relationship

A Guide to Infidelity (Beginner Level) aka a confession of a paranoid girlfriend

Let’s face it. Everyone is going to cheat on their partner at some point of their lives : flirty text, nude snapchat or the “I-am-so-drunk-and-she-came-all-on-me” sex. Throughout my previous relationships, I have been asked out multiple times by guys who were having a stable, long term relationship, some oft them even suggested “Friends with benefits “relationship for an alternative relationship. Before you won’t shut up about how much you love your partner, we all have to face a truth: after all, there is so many temptations in life and we just cannot satisfy by always wetting and licking the same lollipop.

For the past few weeks, I had been going through the same arguments with my boyfriend in an endless loop: “Will you cheat or not?” and “Why can’t you shut up about certain man/woman?”. Since we have been in a long distance relationship, cheating has always a sensitive issue for us to discuss (and probably because I cannot intrude his privacy). I tried to prove my point by saying there is still a moral ground for fidelity, but my friend’s experience and all the valuable lessons taught by my ex-boyfriends said the opposite. So here, I will set a definite rule for the fellow worshipers of secret “open-relationship” and the “opps-I-did-it-again”: if you decided to cheat, then cheat it professionally. From choosing your targets, removing glitter from your dick to planning an emergency evacuation plan, here is an elementary guide to help you remove any chance for your partner pouring hot sauce over your hot actions.

  1. Clean the crime scene

Sometimes it is as simple as that, however most men always fall for the same old trap: condom in the toilet bin, extra toothbrush and the complimentary second-handed makeup utensils and bobby pins. As a woman who went through this kind of bullshit in the past and eventually developed a paranoid habit of checking one’s bathroom, please keep your bathroom clean and your bedroom completely off the hook after any romance from the day before. One last tip for the gents out there, women are extra sensitive for hair around who are not in their length or colours or any curls.

  1. Keep count of your coming

Same as the previous one, this is an extra reminder for people who practice safe sex (kudos to you), keep count of the numbers of condom or simply buy an extra pack of different brands for your affairs. In one of previous relationships, I have encountered a men who always (-well this is not a hyperbole) cheat on me, so I have progressively adopted a habit of counting how many times we had sex and the condom count. The numbers also indicated how enjoyable your sex life is and keep account of the money spent, so why not?

  1. Don’t keep any text message record

I mean, really, just delete all your flirt message and emails in the trashbox. You will never re-read it except your girlfriend. And

  1. Don’t trust the box

It is interesting enough to see how men are so unaware how heartwarming (crazy) a woman could be for a men’s past. My boyfriend used to store all his nude and sex tapes from his ex-lover on iPhoto which only resulted in me opening in them (and holding the best sex tape/ best-looking lover contest) and getting mad for no reason. Sorry guys, but privacy is dead since 1984.

Dropbox and other cloud service are not suggested as they often connects to too much device without getting you to authorize one by one, so get on the oldest way and store it on a USB flash, over burden it with file names – “Work”, “Writing guidelines” and “My Poo Diary”, then lock it with a password.

  1. Stay out of social media

Recently I have read an article on how a woman found her husband have been engaging in three other marriages on facebook, if that doesn’t warn you how influential social media is, then you probably should leave. Facebook, twitter and others is a place for couple to show off their lovely-dopey thing but all the tags from other women and the excessively like from another person could lead to something disastrous.

Here is the three steps on account setting – put your spouse into a restricted friend list, disable tagged photos appearing on your own facebook and the comment function on your wall. Now you know your ABCs, next time won’t you cheat with me?

 

Okay I admit that it will not be a healthy relationship nor is it a proper thing to do, but since we have been talking about cheating, keep your moral downs and listen to a woman who is obsessed with finding traces from her boyfriend. Happy Cheating! and my the odds be ever in your favour!

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Confession of A Political Science Student

Politics

Yes I am a Political Science student. No I do not know who should be the next president
– Confession of a Poli Sci student

Normally there are two types of people when asked upon my major, one that questions my future career and also the one who starts to give me their political opinion where I would sit there and nob my head. While I was frustrated by the same questions on whether I will turn into a banana throwing politician or not, I would try to convince them that we, political students, are able to think big in the smallest thing and are suitable in every position with great use of tongue to debate.

However with the increasing exposure on Taiwan’s anti trade in service pact with China and the controversial topic on Occupy Central, people started to question in details on our action. Here I would like to do a little confession : most of us (or just me) are not fanatic about politics and won’t go on a street protesting every minute. Although I can quote John Rawls and Socrates on the justification on civil disobedience and pulling some examples of Tunisian revolution to impress you, but we are nothing more than that.

Political Science is often regarded as the resort for students who fails to get into law school or as my Italian acquaintance put “In my country , those who cannot get into any major, choose Political Science as their studies.” I could not agree the statement more and it inspires me to create a list of reasons why you shouldn’t choose Political Science as your major.

A really short list of not studying Political Science :

1. It is not a Bachelor of business administration (BBA)
In other words, you will not be successful or rich or do anything in your life. In every gatherings, you will be obligated to listen to your mum complains to your relatives because you didn’t choose the right path. You will also be watching your friends getting into international bank and becoming auditor/accountant and work from 6am -12am while you are eating cereals on your couch.

2. You are not going to  be a politician after you graduated
A quick check from Wikipedia shows that Priscilla Leung Mei Fun came from law school. Wong kwok Hin came from trading business background and Christopher Chung… I don’t even understand how he got elected in the first place.
Oh you are not pro-Beijing? So how are you suppose to be a politician?

3. Your voice and action do not bring justice or peace
Running down the street with a banner and participating a few demonstrations could change Hong Kong into a better place would be nothing but a tale. To make Hong Kong a nicer place and more tourist friendly, no fuss – accept what China give you and be content with it. Go to work , stay out of trouble , have respect to the one above you and no opposition.

4. You memorized the Lincoln quote by heart and thought you can achieve democracy in HK
but you cannot even practice that in your university.
The experiences of getting phone call from the school for a small talk, getting your poster torn down have already given some insight.

So if you are thinking to be a poli sci student , think again. You are probably not going to achieve something we are striking for years (we do hope you can!) but you will have your own stance and opinion.